The Chronicles of Marysue
by fairy-wannabe
Summary: C'mon guys. This one was bound to be written one day. A parody of all the Stand By Me marysue stories out there. Involving a very annoying marysue and the boy's very predictable reactions to her.
1. The Arrival

A.N. Hey guys. This story just came out of nowhere. Its just basically making fun of all the marysue stories which seem to pop up a lot on this site. It is not a direct attack on anybody's story. Its just meant to be a bit of fun. I'm not even sure if i'll continue it. I'll just see how people like it.

The Arrival

Marysue stepped of the train/bus/plane/any-other-mode-of-transport (she really couldn't decide which one). She looked around and tried to remember who was picking her up.

'Hmm I wonder who is picking me up? Whats my last name again? Oh that's right its Tessio so that must mean my cousin Billy will be coming to pick me up cause he is conveniently old enough to drive a car.'

Billy and his gang are hanging around the train/bus/plane/any-other-mode-of-transport station trying to look all cool and gangy.

Marysue sees them and runs over to them clapping her hands and squealing like a girl, hmmm, maybe cause she is a girl. An extra girly-girl. Anyway moving on.

'Billllllllllly! My favourite cousin. You came and picked me up! How surprising!' Billy hugged her back.

Ace, the town bully/hotty, who had had nothing better to do on the weekend than pick up some anonymous girl from the train/bus/plane/any-other-mode-of-transport station eyed Marysue up and down, wondering how the Tessio family had spawned something that hot.

Marysue looked around at the rest of the gang. 'Hi everybody! I'm Marysue, people like to call me Marysue!'

'Yeah yeah whatever come on Marysue, lets get you home', said Billy impatiently, 'me and the gang wanna go look cool at the pool hall sometime this afternoon.'

Marysue turned to Billy. 'Aren't I supposed to meet someone called Chris sometime soon? He has oceans in his eyes or something. Apparently they're adorable.'

Billy scratched his head confusedly. 'Uhh maybe that will happen on the ride home.'

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The drive home was pretty uneventful. At one point Billy nearly ran over a deer on the road. Or maybe that was kid. There was definitely something deerish about him. Or should I say doeish? And it didn't help that Billy kept taking detours so his mates could hit letterboxes with a bat. Another addition to their cool yet badass image.

Finally they arrived at the Tessio house where Marysue would be staying _**just**_ for summer. (remember there's gotta be a tearjerking and dramatic ending for when Marysue leaves town).

Vern came waddling (hmm maybe that's a bit harsh. He really isn't that fat and he's oh so cute!) running out of the house to meet them.

Oh! Did I mention that Marysue isn't Vern's cousin with the hyboid gland. Nooo that's on his mothers side. No, Marysue is infact a very smokin' girl. Suprisingly enough she can look like anything you put your lil imaginative mind to. Funnily enough she usually ends up looking like quite a lot of fanfic authors but I won't go into that.

Anyway in this story she had blonde hair to here. Chest out to there. Athletic body with blue-blue eyes. Why she could have been Chris' sister if they weren't destined to have a love affair later in the story.

'MAYRSUUUUUUE!'

'VERNY!'

They came together and embraced like…… well, like cousins would. Marysue was ecstatic to see her cousin. She loved her cousin, in a cousinly way, despite his slight speech impediment where he tended to say 2 certain words over and over again.

'Oh Vern. I have missed you so much. You're wonderful!... And this town is wonderful!... And your friends, I'm sure are going to be wonderful!... Oh and that tree over there is just wonderful!' she gushed.

Vern not understanding much of what she said just smiled and nodded. He did catch the word 'friends' though.

'Oh, oh speaking of friends. You wanna meet mine. I only have three but they are sooo boss. Sincerely, I know you're gonna like them. Wanna come with me to our boss tree. That's where they sincerely always hang out.'

Marysue thought for awhile. 'Hmmm well I think I might go and explore this town a bit first. You see I have to meet this ocean-guy Chris sometime soon.'

Vern looked confused. Or was that just his face? 'Chris? Why you gotta meet him? I'm more boss than him!'

Marysue gave a highpitched giggle. 'Oh Verny. It's part of the storyline. I have to wander around town till I meet this ocean-guy Chris by himself. Therefore creating an instant and special bond with him which will eventually turn into a passionate loveaffair. Understand?'

Vern scratched his head. 'What storyline?'

'Never you mind. Now point me in the way of town.'

'Uhh its that way. Can I come? Sincerely.'

'No Vern! I have to be by myself otherwise I wont look like a lonely new girl which will be what initiates him to come and talk to me.'

Vern shrugged his shoulders. 'Suit yourself I'm just gonna go and... OOH SOMETHING SHINY! THAT'S SO BOSS!' and with that he ran off.

Marysue flicked her hair over her shoulder, clapped her hands again for no particular reason and then walked daintily of towards town

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A.N. Please forgive my lame humour and let me know what you think people.


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N. **Forgive my lack of updating and weird humour.

**Chapter 2**

Marysue walked and walked, skipped a little bit and then walked some more. That was before she realised that she had just been walking around the block.

'Hmm at least I looked good while I did it' she said to herself batting her eyelids to no one in particular.

When she finally did find her way into town she was so happy that she didn't even see herself walking straight into a guy standing in the pathway resulting in her falling on her pretty little ass.

'Oh look what you've done. I've got dirt allll over me now. Who stands in a pathway anyway!'

She picked herself up and turned to face the guy she had bumped into and it turned out to be……… Ace! (the town bully/hotty)

'Oh. Hello again Ace.' Marysue said brightly.

Ace turned to face her slowly. 'Why hello there. You new around here beautiful?'

Marysue's smile turned into a look of confusion.

'Huh? I just met you before silly.'

'Oh come now. I would have remembered a pretty little piece like you.' Ace raked a hand through his already perfect hair, realised his hand was now covered in grease and wiped it on his jeans.

Marysue responded to this by flipping her hair. I guess it was a bit of a reflex action.

'No seriously. I just met you like half and hour ago. You picked me up from train/bus/plane/any-other-mode-of-transport station with Billy.'

Ace smirked at this. 'Sweetie I don't know what your talking about. In the meantime, how bout you me go for ride……… and then maybe later we can go driving. (oh SNAP!)

The sexual innuendo went flying over Marysue's blonde head so fast that the whoosh was almost audible.

'Uhhh no thanks. I don't really like horses. Anyway I like, have to go find this ocean guy now.'

She started walking past but Ace grabbed her wrist.

'I'm just trying to be friendly. Tell me now. You a Catholic?'

'Let go Ace this is not the way the storyline goes. I'm sposed to hook up with the ocean-eyes hotty not the bully/hotty.

Marysue tried to pull her hand free but Ace held on tight.

'Help! Rape!' Marysue squealed. 'Help! Help! Help!' she continued to yell even though Ace was still only holding her hand.

'Let her go Ace' a voice came from behind them.

'Who's that?' said Marysue forgetting for the moment that she was being "raped" and attempting to turn around but Ace held her tight.

'Back off man. I saw her first.'

'What is it with you and raping all the new girls that come to town when you know full well theyre sposed to fall in love with me.'

'Dude! I'm only holding her hand!' and with that he threw Marysue aside who for the second time that day fell to the ground and promptly fainted. Ace turned back to the mystery man. 'Now do you want me to beat the living shit outta you?'

'You want me to light your hair on fire?'

Ace flinched at this. 'You wouldn't.'

'Oh yes I would.' The mystery guy brandished a lighter.

Ace ran a hand nervously through his hair and wiped it on his jeans.

'Fine. Have the bitch. My rape is not for a couple of chapters anyway.' And on that note he strutted away.

Marysue conveniently came to at this moment.

'You okay?'

She looked up and saw a tall figure walking towards her bathed in glorious golden light. Oh no wait, that was just the glare.

The boy came into view and held out his hand. Marysue looked up and was meet with (you got it) beautiful ocean blue orbs.

She let out a girlish squeal as she was pulled to her feet by the handsome guy who was wearing a white tee and jeans. Probably cause he hadn't thought to have a change of clothing since he was 12 years old.

'Why what beautiful eyes you have!' she gushed.

The boy smiled. 'Shall I give you a moment to get lost in them?'

'Yes please'. Marysue answered promptly.

_**5 minutes later**_

'Almost done?'

'Not yet.'

_**Another 5 minutes later.**_

'Come on already. My legs are getting tired.'

'I just can't decide. Atlantic or Pacific? It's really a toss up.'

'Your more strange than the new girls usually are.'

Marysue shook her head. 'No no. I swear I'm the most Marysueish Marysue you'll ever meet.'

'Great. Another one of these.' Chris said heaving a sigh.

'C'mon Chris. We've got alotta catching up to do!' Marysue said brightly twirling her arm in this.

'I didn't tell you my name was Chris…' Chris said as he was dragged off.

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**A.N. **Will Marysue decide between Atlantic or Pacific? Will Vern ever stop saying sincerely and boss? Will deer-boy ever come into the story again? Read on to find out!


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N.** Back with another chapter. Bit iffy about it so be nice.

**Chapter 3**

_BUMP_

'Owww' Marysue said rubbing her forehead.

Chris looked mildly concerned. 'That's the forth streetpost you've walked into in the last 5 mins. Watch where you're going girl.'

Marysue gave an embarrassed highpitched giggle. 'I'm sorry Chrissypoo. I just cant stop getting captured in your eyes.'

'Damn stupid eyes!' Chris grumbled to himself as he kept on walking along the footpath, trying to steer the new girl away from solid objects.

'What was that?'

'Nothing! So uhh, why don't you tell me your background story. I don't believe we've been told that yet and its very important in creating a mental picture of you. Makes it easier for the readers see?'

'Oh Chrissy-wissy you're so cute I could just eat you,' Marysue said licking her lips. Chris took a precautionary step backwards and eventually Marysue snapped out of her daze.

'Anyway background, background... OH I know! I am a cousin of Vern's, though not the fat one, but don't get me wrong, I can do drama, I have a troubled past which I will slowly reveal in order to keep everyone guessing and which will eventually bring our kindred troubled souls closer together. I like hair products, eating at diners, treehouses and searching for bodies if need be. Oh and shiny things!! (Must be the Tessio gene) Oh and I usually have an instant distrust of any female characters cause they're usually only included to cause trouble.'

Just then a petite little voice called from across the street 'Hi Chris!'

Marysue turned around to see a cute little 6 or 7 yr old girl waving ecstatically from across the street. Suddenly she went into action mode. Dropping the death grip she had on Chris' arm she quickly marched across the street screaming in a very non-Marysuish voice.

'Oi! Back of ya little slag! Yeah I know what you're doing! You trying to come onta my man you little tramp?! Well this is what you get for messin' with my man!' she screamed as she kicked the stunned little girl in the shins before following up with a karate chop to the shoulder which made the unfortunate girl collapse to the ground.

Dusting off her hands she skipped back over to Chris who was looking horrified.

'You freakin' psycho!! That was my sister you idiot! I know I never talk about her and she is always conveniently left out of stories along with my other siblings but that's no reason to knock her out!'

Marysue looked back at the crumpled form on the sidewalk. Apart from an irregular twitch she was unmoving.

She giggled. 'Woopsies! My bad! Didn't I mention that I was the jealous type? Oh well no biggy she'll come around in an hour or three. Meanwhile I think its about time I met the rest of your friends. It shouldn't take long, I mean I am assuming that you haven't made any new ones since you were 12 years old.'

Chris looked at the ground pushing the dust around with his foot.

'Nope, no new ones.'

'Great! Then lets go!' Marysue said grabbing his arm and beginning to drag him away already somehow knowing where she was going, like a submarine to a battleship.

'Why doesn't anyone like me…' Chris mumbled self-pityingly to himself.

'What was that Christopher-dumpling?'

'Nothing!! Just an inner, secret desire. Lets go!'

Conveniently forgetting about his paralysed kid sister Chris once again allowed himself to be dragged off. He had, after all, always been stereotyped the peacemaker.

He didn't know whether it was the annoying voice, the psychotic tendencies, the lack of brain cells or the strange obsession with his eyes, but he could really see himself falling totally, inexplainably, unrealistically and unexpectedly in love with this girl. I mean, she hadn't been like all the new girls before her. She really seemed committed to being as annoying and predictable as possible. Plus she was HOT! Now that's good in any guy's book.

Still it was too early to get into that, there was still a friendship period to get through… then a couple of dramatic scenes… a few revelations… and of course the quintessential "comforting scene" in which he would take advantage of her in her _dramatic_ time of need and selfishly mack on her. But that was all still ahead of them, cause god forbid anybody should come up with an actually original plot.

To be continued…

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**A.N. **Will Chris ever manage to change his clothes or make some new friends? Will Marysue be able to keep coming up with annoying nicknames? Will Gordie and Teddy ever actually make it into this story? Will this author ever stop self-indulgently asking questions? Keep reading to find out in the next instalment of "THE CHRONICLES OF MARYSUE" doo-doo-dee-doo (theme music).


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